Saturday, 26 June 2010

Age vs Beauty

It's Saturday afternoon, Britain is experiencing a fantastically hot summer so if anyone starts complaining in September with the usual moan of 'Summer? What summer?' I will show them my entire tan.

My head is starting to get itself together after the festivities of last weekend at Stone Henge, but really I don't think I will ever be quite the same again. The whole experience has put me on such a high I couldn't face going back to being a mum so I handed the kids over to their dad till tomorrow or Monday, depending on what he deems appropriate. I figured the kids have already had two fabulous holidays because of me this year and now it is my turn.

Readers, I must report that being without my fantastic but demanding children for over a week it is incredible just how much time, energy and money I have got to lavish upon myself and my hedonistic persuits. I haven't had to go to a supermarket once. I haven't even had to do any shopping. The fridge still seems to have loads of food in it. I've only washed up once and the kitchen is still clean. For once, I had the time to tidy the house and spent a leisurely two hours doing so with splendid results which have remained splendid a whole 24 hours later. Of course, I wouldn't change having the kids FOR THE WORLD but to have a break like this, in the middle of a fantastic British Summer is thoroughly rejuvenating and I am sure will enable me to resume my mothering duties with a new found calm and inner peace.

On a lighter note, I have just checked my in-box on the dating site. There are so many messages to trawl through I doubt I'd ever find time to answer them all, but I am pleased to report that there are quite a few fit young boys out there who are interested in meeting me. They seem to think the age difference won't matter (just goes to show how much they still have to learn) but, bless them, I can't pretend the attention isn't flattering. Ladies, if you are trying to decide whether or not to sign up to a dating site here is an example of what you could have if you did: My youngest suitor is an 18 year old man from just up the road looking for a long term relationship, which in itself I find quite odd. He says, and I quote: 'I am 6'3, built athletic' (good start) 'i decided to message you because you are very attractive' (again, totally correct here) 'i know there is a bit of an age difference but age is just a number' Readers, am I the only one to think this really isn't the case? I mean, what does he think I've been doing during the two extra decades I have on the guy? How would he cope with my having had an acting career in Berlin after the Wall went down? Or with my widespread world travels? All the gigs I've been to? All the festies? Not to mention the countless lovers? Would he be able to converse with me about any of the zillions of books I've read? Or could he excite me with his musical knowledge or prowess in the kitchen? And equally, would I be interested in hearing about how exciting it is to smoke weed all night? I doubt it very much because age is more than a number, it is a measure of experience. Athletic build may go some way to compensating for all this, but I'm afraid I'm not prepared to take the chance. Sorry, love, I think it's a mum you need, not a long-term girlfriend who's old enough to be one!

For those of you interested in dating blogs, you are in for a treat this week because I am about to head to the hills for a walk with someone who sounds like he might be right up my street. We have spoken on the phone a few times and laughed a lot. He assures me he's not a mad axe murderer and I made him promise that even if he is he shouldn't murder me because I am in the process of getting my shit together to entertain the world en masse and therefore it wouldn't be fair on everyone else. He's solvent, tall, dark and possibly handsome, though it's hard to tell because he is handsome in one picture and not the other. What else? Oh, yes. Also athletic. Works out a lot. Loves music and dancing. And intelligent. Perhaps I've found someone on my intellectual level. The only snag seems to be that his current job is building bridges for the Americans to get into Afghanistan. Hhhhhmmm. Could this be the universe's way of testing my principles? I have already told him that i wouldn't do it if they paid me a million, but then, if he offers to buy me a drink and i accept, does that mean I am condoning the war?

Nothing is ever simple, but I reckon this is a guy worth checking out. Besides, since I didn't bother with Glastonbury this weekend and it is such a lovely day there's nothing i like doing better than walking in the hills and frying someone's head, so wish me luck xx

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